My eyes blinked through the sunlight pouring into the room. It took my mind a moment to register everything that happened last night. Aiden. My muscles were sore and aching. I need a fucking massage! I didn't know when I had moved in the duration of the night as I found myself lying on top of him. His arms were in a tight hold around me. I rested my chin on his chest and stared at him. His long and beautiful lashes hid his green eyes. Green was my favorite - second favorite. Nothing could top blue but god! His eyes. I loved them even when it was filled with anger and hate. And yesterday, yesterday they were so soft and full of something I didn't know what to name. His entire face looked so serene in his sleep.
Fuck no! What was wrong with me? I hated him, I...did I? Last night broke something inside me...in a good way. I discovered parts of myself that I've always wanted to explore. He was there to break me and mold me into someone new. I knew I could never go back to boring simple sex again. What did that mean for us? Where would this lead? I secretly loved it when he would call me blueberry even though I told him to not call me that. He started it in junior school when I wore a blueberry printed top and after years of it, I've settled with it. First fight with him that I had willed to lose. But yesterday, he called his. His blueberry. What was happening? Why was I even questioning myself right now? Why was I entertaining the thought of him and I together? This would never work. No. Not in this lifetime. There could never be him and I. There would always be a him and an I. Even if...if we decided to go through with this...whatever this would be, there is his world and then there is mine. 

"Good morning, blueberry." He grumbled, his eyes squinted. Shit! I didn't even realize when he awoke as his voice startled me. "Is everything okay? I'm sorry I startled you. You were deep in thought." He twirled a strand of my hair on his finger. "Yeah, yeah. Everything good. Why wouldn't it be?" He looked unconvinced and gave me a look of i-buy-no-shit. There was a turmoil of emotions inside me. So, I decided to be honest. "I...I was just you know..." 
"Seriously you have said almost every vulgar word, and have done various embarrassing things and that didn't stop you from going toe to toe with me for years, and now when we just had amazing sex, you're suddenly...shy?" He gripped my hair and pulled it slightly. Holy fuck! It was not good for the conversation we needed to have. 
"Oh don't think too high about yourself. It was just a sex." 
"Just a sex, huh? Do I need to punish you for lying? I will just add it to my list 'cause good girls don't lie." Heat crept up my cheeks at his words. 

"Tell me, Eda, what's wrong?" I sat up in the space next to him.
"I..." Okay, fuck it! "Where do we go from here? Because you and I both know that there's no going back. But also this doesn't mean that I don't hate you anymore because I do. You'll forever be that pain in my ass."
He chuckled. "Oh I know, blueberry, I know. Is your ass still aching?" 
"Oh my God! Aiden! I'm serious. Ughh! I fucking hate you."
"So am I." And he laughed. He fucking laughed. 
There goes any serious talk! I got off the bed and headed to the bathroom showing the universal gesture of fuck you to him. His laugh still echoing and it made me smile. I still didn't know where this all was leading but I wasn't overthinking it.

He taught me, then, that sometimes living in the moment is better than worrying about planning for the future. And fuck! I hated him for it! Or maybe I just loved to hate him.